[2] Asking stupid questions

Dear Readers,

Thanks so much for the support this week. Since this is our first week writing Life in Color, we are dropping an additional piece for you today. We hope you enjoy it 😄

Thanks for being on this journey with us! Have a fantastic weekend!

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“There are no stupid questions!” 

How many times have we heard that?

This phrase is often said in the work environment and is usually the sign of a boss or leader who is saying it because they want to encourage your learning. To learn, you have to ask questions, and asking questions is the best way to learn. We usually hear phrases like...

“I’d rather you ask me the stupid question than to find out the hard way on your own.”

“Don’t worry, you can ask me anything, I am here to help.”

“Ask as many questions as you like.”

These phrases all sound great, right? And most of us probably want this environment. You don’t have to worry about optics or politics or sounding stupid in front of your co-workers and boss. This type of environment gives you the time and space to develop your skills and optimizes learning regardless of where you start. And leaders should also love this type of environment because you get to hire folks with growth mindsets and give them room to grow.

Here is the problem: how often do leaders say this and mean it? Like actually mean it?

Okay...what does it mean to “mean it”?

More times than not, when you ask a basic or stupid question, how someone reacts says a lot more about them and the culture they are promoting than the actual words they say. This concept is no different than reading body language where someone tells you one thing but actually means something else.

The best leaders

The best leaders are usually the ones that say what they mean and follow through on it. In this case, when they tell you “there are no stupid questions” and then you ask a stupid question, they are willing to explain it to you until you understand it. 

They have patience. 

They do not judge you for asking the question. They see it as, if you understand it, it helps our cause and goal here, so they see the bigger picture and don’t get annoyed or bothered by the question you ask.

If the leader is willing to take the time to make sure you or others understand something, it’s probably also a sign of a low ego. 

They want to empower you versus having power over you. 

The easiest way to empower you is to give you the knowledge to do your job; the best way to have power over you is to make you feel dumb for asking the question.

Leaders with good intention but bad execution

There are a set of leaders who have good intentions; they really do want to empower you and make sure you have everything you need to do your job. But there may be something in their lives or day-to-day that prevents them from answering your “stupid” questions like the “Best Leaders” do. Maybe they are spread too thin, maybe they don’t have patience, which comes off as why are you wasting my time with this question. While the good intention part is, well... a good thing, the bad execution part leads to the same result. You don’t get your question answered.

Leaders who are wolves in sheep’s clothing

Then, of course, there are bad leaders, and I hesitate to even call them leaders at this point. These are the ones that want to take the credit for being the person to say “ask me anything, there are no stupid questions, and we are here to help you!” But when push comes to shove, they get frustrated, they think you are dumb, they are judging you for asking something, or they may begrudgingly answer the question, but you’ll leave the conservation feeling like shit.

What to do about each group?

The first group is a no-brainer: find those leaders and work with them, (they’ll see it as you working with them and not for them, by the way).

The second group probably needs you to give them some feedback, with the hope that the “good intention” part of them will be receptive to it.

The third group: RUN AWAY FROM THEM. However, easier said than done because they are more prevalent than you think.

But I am the leader …

But what if you are a leader reading this and you think “what if the question is really freaken dumb?” or “it’s a dumb question, why didn’t they research it first?”

It’s not a bad point, but you are the leader after all and more is expected of you than them. And if you think there are questions that your employees should not be asking you, then being explicit about it is probably a better approach than judging your employees for being dumb. After all, what does it say about you as a leader if you hired someone who you label as “dumb”?

By the way, you can replace “leader” above with “friend” and think of the above in a social context … it should still apply.

Questions are good

But more broadly, a person who asks questions needs to be valued and not judged for the specific questions they ask. What they ask on a given day are just details; instead, focus on the fact they are inquisitive and have the curiosity to ask questions. That’s a huge part of the growth mindset and if you are building an organization or team that wants to grow ... questions are a necessity.

Questions guide you. 

The only stupid questions are the ones not asked. 🙋🏽‍♀️ 🤔 🙋‍♂️